Hidden in my Veins
by Green3
Summary: B/S post-Chosen. The Scoobies are called to help a Slayer in trouble; Buffy and Spike find each other -- somewhere.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Hidden in my Veins  
  
Author: Green  
  
Pairing: S/B  
  
Rating: PG-13 so far, R eventually  
  
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the creative genius behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I merely write my own fiction using his source material as a jumping off point. All of the words are my own; the characters, mythos, and rich history come from Whedon's amazing imagination.  
  
Feedback: Yes, please please please!! It always helps me to know my work is appreciated. beingagreenmother@yahoo.com  
  
Distribution: Please ask for permission to archive  
  
Summary: (Post-Chosen) As they journey across America, the Scoobies are called to help a Slayer in trouble; Buffy and Spike find each other -- somewhere.  
  
Author's Note: Thank you to Zyre for beta reading, and to everyone at LJ for encouraging me in this. It *reallyreally* means a lot.  
  
***  
  
Chapter One:  
  
///He feels the heat of her silk skin sliding against his, and her thin fingers bestow soft caresses on his chest. She's lying beside him, facing him, a look of wonder on her face as she touches him. He's whole. Real. Tight muscles are corded under his skin where her fingers dance, and he's tangible, and alive and wholly present in this moment with her. She shifts and straddles his form, rising above him, her hair a veil that falls on either side of his face as she leans down closer.  
  
"Did we win, then?" he asks, looking up at her, his beautiful, bright shining girl.  
  
"Thanks to you," she smiles, then ducks her head down to his. Her forehead presses against his and her lips whisper against his mouth. "You saved the world. A lot," she teases, and her tongue darts out to caress his lips.  
  
"I missed the taste of you," he murmurs, savoring the honey of her saliva.  
  
"I miss you, too."  
  
He senses something wrong with her words and looks deep into her eyes, which shimmer and swim with an underlying *something* that he just can't grasp.  
  
"How did we do it?" he asks after a moment.   
  
She smiles and kisses him again, and his senses are overwhelmed with her scent, a heavy perfume of desire and surrender. There's the tiniest hint of despair beneath it all, and he wraps his arms around her and brings her closer, absorbs her essence into himself with a deep, reaching breath.   
  
"I don't remember," he says, speaking into the slender crook of her neck.   
  
"Shhh," she says. "It's all over. It doesn't matter."  
  
He moves and holds her away from him, searching her face for some hint of the truth. "What happened, Buffy?" he asks, gazing intently.  
  
Her small teeth worry her bottom lip, and she looks like a little girl who's lost the world. She swallows. "We're together."  
  
"Are we?" He loosens his hold on her skinny arms, amazed at how fragile she is, like thin spun glass. He thinks she can shatter against him so easily, can break into fragmented shards and cover his body like drops of rain.  
  
"I was strong," she says, and nuzzles back against his body like a kitten, curling to cover his chest. She's warm, like she's been standing in the sunshine for ages. He can smell precious rays of light embedded in strands of gold-spun hair. "I was everything I was supposed to be," she murmurs. Her lips begin to tease his neck, and her tongue darts out to taste his skin. She's intoxicated with his nearness. "You're real, aren't you?" she asks, threads of desperation in her voice.  
  
"I'm as real as you are," he assures her. He kisses her tenderly, his lips soft against hers as he explores the shape of her lips. To Spike, her mouth is the very definition of joy.   
  
Suddenly she sits up, fear apparent on her face. Her body begins to tremble with dread. She keeps her eyes on his face, drinking in the sight of him as if there will be no other chance. She draws in a breath, but it's shaky and it hitches.  
  
"What's wrong?" Spike asks, and dread caresses him like a lover.  
  
"They're calling me," she says, and leans down. She closes her eyes as tightly as she can, staving off the tears that burn behind her lids. She kisses him again, and he can taste her sorrow and goodbye.  
  
"Don't leave," he asks against her mouth, careful not to beg, but she hears his pleading beneath the layers of seduction.  
  
"God, I don't want to," she says, begging him to understand. She presses closer to him and threads her fingers through the soft blond curls of his hair. "I wish I could stay here forever. I wish..."  
  
And suddenly she's gone, vanished, and he's alone. There's no trace of her anywhere, not even her scent hovering in the air.///  
  
***  
  
"Buffy, come on, wake up. We're here."  
  
Buffy came awake, blinking away the tears. Her dream faded so quickly that she wasn't even able to grasp a fraying edge of it. She lifted her head and saw Xander, who was looking at her sympathetically.   
  
"You okay, Buff?"  
  
Her chest ached and her throat felt closed. She took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded. "Ship shape. Or, you know, as shippy as I can be right now." She tried to smile, but her lips only moved a little.  
  
Xander reached a hand down and touched her shoulder. "It'll get better, you know."  
  
She swallowed. "You sure about that?"  
  
He smiled ruefully. "God, I hope so."  
  
She felt the tears sting her eyes again, so she turned away and busied herself by straightening her rumpled clothes. When she felt a little more in control of her emotions, she looked around. It was night, and she was surprised to see she and Xander were the only ones left occupying the bus. She remembered dropping off the injured Rona and three other Slayers with Angel and Company the day before in Los Angeles, but they still had Vi and Kennedy left with them. Vi had been uneasy about staying with a vampire, (she still had nightmares about Spike, despite her new Slayer confidence) and Kennedy hadn't wanted to leave Willow. None of them were anywhere to be seen now, though.  
  
"The others already bailed out," he explained. "I guess they wanted to see the lights."  
  
"Lights?" she asked, confused. "Where are we?"  
  
"Rachel, Nevada," he answered with a grin. "Andrew got all the girls curious about UFO sightings."  
  
"Huh?" she said, confused.  
  
"Come on, Buff, Rachel Nevada! You know, UFOs, aliens, Area 51..."  
  
"I thought that was Roswell." She wrinkled her forehead.  
  
"I'm impressed by your knowledge of geekdom, oh Chosen One. But no, Roswell, New Mexico's where the UFO crashed in 1947."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh gimme a break, Xander. You don't really believe that, do you?"  
  
"The evidence is just too overwhelming for it *not* to be true. There were these hermetically sealed coffins ordered from the airbase, and eye witnesses that saw wreckage with strange markings..."  
  
Buffy began to laugh. "And you know all this how?"  
  
Xander blushed. "I, uh, Andrew's been talking about it nonstop since we crossed the state line."  
  
"Mmm hmm," she said as she nodded, clearly amused. "But we're not in Roswell. Where are we again?"  
  
"Rachel. The closest town to Area 51. They say those lights over there are from the complex."  
  
"And, refresh my memory here, Area 51 is what, exactly?"  
  
"Secret military installation."  
  
"Oh, great," she said. "Like we haven't had enough of those."  
  
***  
  
"You should have seen it, B," Faith said, leaning against the bus the next morning. "This guy had his whole bar set up with these alien pictures and little dolls. This Rachel's a small little shit hole of a town; I guess they're just milking the UFO thing for all it's worth."   
  
Andrew and Xander had joined them a few minutes before, bearing coffee, juice and breakfast pastries. "It's the UFO sighting capital of the world," Andrew said.  
  
Buffy scanned the dirt lot for the others. She saw Robin Wood walking stiffly towards them. He had decided to stay with the group instead of recuperating with Rona in LA, and had healed remarkably fast, considering his wounds. Willow and Kennedy walked towards them from further in the distance, and Dawn and Vi were exiting their motel room on the far side of the lot. Everyone but Buffy had spent the night at the cheap motel, grabbing showers and resting up. Buffy hadn't slept since they stopped, and had stayed on the bus. She hadn't showered either, and was now regretting the decision not leave the bus. She had wanted to be alone, though, to grieve in private.  
  
"I'll tell you what it is, it's a great stinking bomb of a town, and I can't wait to get the hell outta here," Faith said.  
  
"I don't know, Faith," Robin said, coming up to her. "It seemed sort of nice. Quaint, even."  
  
Faith turned with a sarcastic smirk. "I don't do 'quaint'." A thought hit her, and she looked at Buffy. "Hey, B, can we go to Vegas?"  
  
Buffy looked at her skeptically.  
  
"I got you a map, Xander," Andrew said. The map was unfolded and he was pointing. "See, here we are ... Ra-chel," he said it as if he were teaching someone to read. "There's Extraterrestrial Highway, or 'State Road 357', if you want to be pedestrian. We just follow this road down to Interstate 93 and ride 'til we hit Sin City."  
  
"I don't think Vegas is the best 'family vacation fun spot' for the girls. Dawn and Vi are still kids. They'll be jaded fast enough as it is, no sense hurrying the process along." Buffy said tiredly.  
  
"Oooh, did I hear someone say 'Vegas'?" Willow said as she bounded up, hand and hand in with Kennedy. She was definitely in a more buoyant mood than the day before. Obviously, a good night's rest was all she needed to recharge. Although the satisfied look on Kennedy's face gave away the fact that *resting* hadn't been the only thing on the night's agenda.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes at Willow's enthusiasm. "We can't..."  
  
"Oh, come on, Buffy," Xander said. "Vegas is kid friendly nowadays. Haven't you seen the tourism ads on TV? Kiddy rides and lollipops. I'm sure there's plenty they could do. You wouldn't let them go to Disneyland."  
  
"That was an insane idea."  
  
"No more insane than Giles thinking we'd want to go to Cleveland," Faith muttered. "Come on, B, they need a little R&R. Give them something to think about other than ..." she looked around and lowered her voice, "Anya and the others ... the girls. They're really taking Amanda kicking it pretty hard."  
  
Faith's words were crass, but Buffy knew her well enough to hear the underlying hurt.  
  
Buffy turned to Willow. "Did you get a hold of the coven last night, like you wanted?"  
  
"Yeah, I talked to Althenea. She was all happy and relieved and stuff about the battle, so I let her gush for a while. But then she said ..." she trailed off.   
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I didn't want to tell you right away. I mean, we can't do anything about it yet."  
  
"Willow," Buffy said slowly, "what did Althenea say?"  
  
"She ... she has visions sometimes, did I tell you?"  
  
"You've ... mentioned it," Buffy said, unsure.  
  
"Well, after all the gushing about the world save-age, she mentioned she had one."  
  
"A vision?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah. She said it wasn't really clear, and kind of abstract ..."  
  
"Willow!" Buffy said, exasperated. "Just tell me what she said."  
  
"Okay, I'm telling, I'm telling!" Willow said defensively. "She finally told me she had a vision of a Slayer in trouble, but since there are Slayers all over the world now, she had no idea at first how to narrow it down. She thinks she's found a tracking spell, but it will take her some time to research it a little. She'll send it to me when she gets it all worked out."  
  
"A Slayer in trouble?" Xander asked. He turned his head up to the sky and shouted, "Hey, can't we just rest a while here? Would it kill you to give us a little downtime?"  
  
Dawn and Vi straggled up to the bus. "Who're you talking to?" Dawn asked, puzzled.  
  
Xander shrugged. "I dunno, exactly. The whole freaking Universe, I guess. It's not like anyone's ever come down and told us who we're working for. We just keep going along, one thing after another coming up, things we have to fix, or set right, or defeat, and you know what? Just once I'd like some Higher Power to say, 'Hey, good job.' "  
  
"It's just like you're Scott Bakula," Andrew agreed. "Only less starship captain and more heroic scientist. Without the scientist part." He pouted at the others' blank looks.  
  
"Quantum Leap," Xander said, explaining, and was rewarded by Andrew's beaming smile.  
  
"Hey, you know Sci-Fi's gonna make a new Quantum Leap movie? I see spinoff written all over it," Andrew told him confidentially.  
  
"Scott Bakula's got a couple of years left on his Enterprise contract, I doubt he'll be able to produce a new series," Xander said. "Oooh, but maybe Bellisario could take the reins..."  
  
Buffy ignored them. "I kind of agree with Xander. On the downtime, I mean. You know, come to think of it, our summers are usually pretty quiet." She sighed heavily. "How long does she think it will take, to track down the Slayer?" she asked Willow.  
  
"She didn't know. A few days, at least."  
  
"Well, I guess we've got some free time then. We can go to Vegas," she frowned at Dawn's eager look, "but you will be supervised the entire time. I don't want you girls getting caught up with mafia culture or ... or ... prostitution."  
  
Vi blushed scarlet.  
  
"I don't think Scott Bakula would go for that," Andrew mused. He was rewarded with seven sets of puzzled eyes. "About Bellisario, I mean, not prostitution. Not that I think Scott Bakula likes prostitutes."  
  
Faith smacked him playfully on the back of the head. "Shut up, you big geek," she said, her mouth quirking.  
  
"Has Giles come back yet?" Dawn asked, peering into the bus.  
  
"Not yet. He was pretty worn out," Xander said. He secretly thought the Watcher had spent the night celebrating yet another averted apocalypse at the bottom of a Scotch bottle, but he wasn't about to say so.  
  
"I think I'll go see if I can find Giles," Buffy said. "If he hasn't left his room yet, maybe I can grab a shower."  
  
Dawn leaned and sniffed delicately, then comically took a large step back. "Yeah, good idea, Sis."  
  
Buffy glared at her for a moment, then turned to Xander. "What room is he in?"  
  
"12."  
  
"Thanks," she said, then walked towards the small motel.  
  
Giles only grunted, bleary-eyed, when she asked him for use of his bathroom, then went about trying wake up fully.  
  
Buffy almost ran to the bathroom. She was suddenly feeling crusted with dirt, and could feel the sour wetness in her underarms. Inside, she happily shed her clothes and started a hot shower.  
  
After Buffy was clean, she looked sadly at the only clothes she had to put on again. She should have asked Fred for something while they had been in LA, she admonished herself, but she hadn't been thinking of it. She picked up her jeans and shook them, trying to at least rid them of the dust. She heard a plink on the tile floor of the tiny bathroom and looked down, wondering what had fallen out of her pocket.   
  
She got on her hands and knees and searched until she spied something shiny behind the toilet. She reached out and picked it up. She looked down into her hand and laughed, tears coming to her eyes.   
  
She was holding the ugly silver skull ring Spike had given her during their brief "engagement". She had no idea how he had known she kept it in her jewelry box, or when he had slipped it into her pocket, but she was grateful for this small reminder. She chose to believe he had put it there intending to surprise her later, after the dust had settled and they had a chance to breathe again. She refused to think he had known what would happen, or that he hadn't expected to get out of the hellmouth alive. She placed the ring on her finger for a moment and smiled at the memory of Willow's spell. They had been so happy, even if it hadn't been real. She unclasped her necklace, took off Spike's ring and threaded it through her chain.  
  
Giles knocked on the door. "Andrew brought a clean shirt for you. I'm setting it by the door."  
  
Relieved that she wouldn't have to dress in the same shirt she had been wearing for two days, Buffy called, "Thank you."  
  
"I have to go get some aspirin and coffee. I'll meet you back at the bus, Buffy."  
  
"Okay."  
  
She waited until she heard Giles leave the motel room, she opened the door and picked up the shirt. She scowled for a minute, then decided an embarrassing shirt was better than a ripe one.  
  
Dressed in a loose white tee that sported a grayish, black-eyed alien, and the words, 'I believe', her cotton panties, turned inside out, *I've really got to stop at the next Target and buy a new pack* and her dirty, rumpled jeans, she walked back to the bus.   
  
Giles was only a few steps ahead, and he winced when Dawn called out, "Are we ready to go now?"  
  
The road stretched out for mile upon deserted mile in front of them. Buffy sat back as Robin drove, separating herself from the group. She reached into the collar of her shirt and pulled out the long chain. Absently, she toyed with the ring.  
  
Away from her, the others chattered about Las Vegas and casinos and neon lights. Xander mentioned he had heard of brothels in the desert, and Vi sputtered and babbled. Dawn and Andrew talked about some demon language, and Willow and Kennedy whispered into each other's ears.  
  
Buffy stared at the desert flying by outide the window, and tightened her hold on Spike's ring. She still felt there, in her left hand, the tingle of the flames that rose as she had told him, finally, how she felt. She gripped the ring tightly in her hand, closed her eyes, and tried not to think that Spike had died, believing she wasn't really in love with him at all.  
  
***  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to Jane Davitt and Beamer for the beta reading. Thank you all for your patience. I do silly things like enter all sorts of fic challenges and write crazy, off the wall fics, and then I don't pay attention to my WIPs.  
  
***  
  
Chapter Two:  
  
Rinsing her mouth and turning off the tap, Vi stared at her reflection in the mirror. She didn't see a change, really. Sure, she could feel it, the new Slayer strength. She liked the way her body could flip and kick and punch holes through walls (which she'd only done once, but was still a pretty cool thing to do). She liked the way she felt a new kind of bond with Buffy and the other Slayers. There were a lot of things to commend it, certainly. But when she looked into the mirror, all she saw was the same old Violet Finnigan, sixteen-year-old loser.  
  
Kennedy had been talking lately about how great it was now, to have all this power. She'd go on and on about how now, no one could stop them, how they could kick evil's ass and not even bother to take names. Kennedy was enthusiastic when it came to training, pushing herself, testing her new limits. Vi wasn't interested in finding limits. She'd already seen a Slayer's limits, down in the hellmouth.  
  
After the initial adrenalin high wore off, what had happened started to sink in. Sure, they had fought the First's army of Ubervamps, sure they were now all completely equipped with the power of the Chosen, but what did that really mean? They could still die. Amanda died, and she had been one of their best fighters. And it wasn't just because she was new, either. She'd heard the stories; she knew that Buffy had died, twice, even. Once, a vampire had killed her. Drained her and tossed her in water to drown. A Slayer was still human, after all, as much as Kennedy liked to gush about their invulnerability. Faith had been stabbed and thrown off a building once -- by Buffy, no less -- and had been in a coma for eight months. So not only did they have to worry about near fatalities, but also fellow Slayers that might turn against them. Of course she knew Faith had been evil at the time and deserved it, since she was in league with some guy that turned himself into a giant snake demon, but that still showed that one of the *other* Slayers could go bad and turn against them. This, of course, was not a comforting thought.  
  
She'd also heard about the gunshot wound that had nearly killed Buffy the year before. No fellow Slayer had done this, just some power hungry, fully souled human guy with a thing against strong women and a loaded gun. So even though Vi was supernaturally strong and fast, she wasn't faster than a speeding bullet, and she could still be a vulnerable target for some crazy human.  
  
So where were they? Las Vegas. Sure, it touted its family vacation highlights, its kid friendly atmosphere, and its happy fun environment. But Vi wasn't stupid, she'd seen the movies. Las Vegas was full of mafia men, money launderers and people who put out hits on other people. They blew up cars and had machine guns and they kidnapped people and cut them up and buried them in the desert! There was a lot of desert all around them. And Vi didn't think she could defend herself from a group of ten or so 'goodfellas' intent on giving her cement shoes ... or whatever they did these days.  
  
But Dawn wanted to go out! Dawn, she of little strength and apparently even less sense, thought it would be *fun* to go around Las Vegas, looking at the sights. Just the two of them! And that, of course, would make Vi responsible for both of them, seeing as how she was the only one that could even start to protect them from the mob. She still was learning how to fight, and just because she killed a few of the Turok Han guys when she first got Slayerfied didn't mean that now, after that first wave of new power was over, she would be able to defend against a bunch of guys with names like Vinnie the Butcher.  
  
No way, no how. She was *not* going out alone into Sin City without a bit more protection than just ... herself.  
  
***  
  
"Buffy!" Dawn whined. "Buffy, wake up. Vi doesn't want to go out. The girl's scared of her own shadow. I thought you Slayer types were all fearless and stuff."  
  
Buffy groggily looked at the anxious teenager who had just disturbed her sleep. "What? Dawn, what's the matter?"  
  
"Weren't you listening?"  
  
Buffy glared at her. "No, I was *sleeping*. I thought that was a whole point of me getting this hotel room all to myself, putting out the 'do not disturb' sign, and burrowing under the covers. How did you get in here, anyway?"  
  
Dawn pointed at the two open doors that joined the two sisters' rooms. "You didn't lock your side," she said simply.  
  
Buffy groaned. "Adjoining rooms. What a stupid idea."  
  
Dawn looked at her curiously. "You were smiling in your sleep. Having a good dream?"  
  
Buffy's forehead wrinkled. "I ... don't know. I can't remember."  
  
"Whatever," Dawn said dismissively. "Now about Vi ... "  
  
Buffy groaned and buried her head under the giant down pillow.  
  
"Come on Buffy, you've got to help me out here. Vi won't leave the room. She's a big scaredy cat. I mean, we're in *Vegas*. There's so much to see, to do ... and she's afraid. She keeps talking about the mob and money laundering."   
  
Buffy peeked out from beneath the huge mass. "What?"  
  
"She thinks she's going to get caught in the crossfire of a big shootout or something. She's insane."  
  
"What do you want to go out and do?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Oh, Buffy! There's so much! There's the Adventure Dome at Circus Circus, and the Wet and Wild water park, and the Guinness Book of World Records museum, and ..."  
  
"Okay, I get it. Fun, non violent, non mafia related activities. And Vi's still ... wiggy?"  
  
"Completely paranoid."  
  
"I see," Buffy said. "Let me think. What if someone went with you guys?"  
  
"You?" Dawn asked hopefully.  
  
Buffy groaned again. "No, not me. I want to rest. I want to sleep. I want to take a long, hot bath and just sit and soak. No teenage girls, no amusement parks ... "  
  
"But Buffy ... "  
  
"No," she said firmly. "Now let me think. Who else can go with you guys? I'll bet Xander and Andrew would get a kick out of those places ... "  
  
"No, they went to some Elvis museum."  
  
"You're kidding, right?"  
  
"Serious as a heart attack, sis. You know, Xander was always a little ... different, but you get those two together and it's nothing but weirdness."  
  
"I've noticed. Okay, who else? Robin and Faith maybe?"  
  
"Nope and nope. Principal Wood and Giles got together and went ... somewhere. They wouldn't exactly say. Either it's embarrassingly cultural or it's one of those *male* type things. This town is full of strip clubs."  
  
"Dawn!" Buffy exclaimed. "I'm sure they wouldn't go to ... one of those places."  
  
The younger girl rolled her eyes. "Riiiiight. You just live in that little fantasy world of yours." She saw Buffy glaring hard at her, and she closed her mouth.  
  
"And what about Faith?" Buffy asked, gritting her teeth.  
  
"Oh, Vi's scared of her. After that little incident at the rest stop ... "  
  
"Oh, you mean when Faith killed the soda machine for not taking her dollar bill?"  
  
"She didn't ... kill it. And she was right. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her dollar. That machine was insane."  
  
"So you think venting all your rage on a poor unsuspecting vending machine is proper behavior for a Slayer?"  
  
"She didn't ... "  
  
"Dawn, she slaughtered it. It was in a thousand pieces by the time she was done."  
  
"Okay. I totally agree, she went a little overboard."  
  
"It's called destruction of property."  
  
"Fine. Whatever. The point is, Vi doesn't want to be anywhere near her."  
  
"Oh, for the love of ... fine. Willow?"  
  
"Kinda scared of her too."  
  
"Of *Willow*? What the fu-- I mean, why?"  
  
"She's suspicious of magic."  
  
"Does she not understand that she's a *Slayer* now, thanks to Willow?"  
  
"I think that scares her even more. All the power that took, to release it all over the world, it freaks her out."  
  
"What about Kennedy?"  
  
"I guess ... that would work," Dawn said reluctantly.   
  
"What now? What does Vi have against Kennedy?"  
  
"Oh, nothing big. And it's not just Vi, I kinda ... " she trailed off.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She's just not ... not much fun. All she ever cares about is training and Willow. And she kind of ... "  
  
"Kind of what?"  
  
"Nothing. Kennedy will do fine, I'm sure. Just ... you call her and ask, okay? I doubt she'd do it if I asked her."  
  
"Fine. What's their room number again?"  
  
"646."  
  
"Okay. I'll call, you go in there and tell Vi," she said as she waved Dawn away.  
  
***  
  
Kennedy snuggled close to Willow, as close as she could. She felt completely happy, like never before. She had never felt this way about *anyone*. Sure, in the past she had *thought* she was in love with people, and let those relationships totally take her over, but the emotion in them was nothing like what she had with Willow. She was in love, for real this time. Willow was amazing.   
  
She loved everything about her girlfriend, even the things she didn't understand. Sometimes Willow said things she didn't comprehend, and sometimes she could be a little silly and overly serious about things. Using too much magic for personal stuff, for example, like heating up their room service meal that had cooled while they were ... distracted by other things. Willow was against using magic for what she called "selfish gain", but Kennedy's attitude was, "If you have it, use it." Willow was still afraid of using magic, even if she had been safe during even the biggest, most powerful spell she could have imagined. The witch had tried to explain the difference between a spell to save humanity and personal gain, and technically she was correct, but magic was magic, right? She was powerful, could have anything on earth that she wanted, and she refused to reheat an omelet?  
  
As much as she didn't understand, she tried to go along with it. Willow loved her. She had to; you couldn't go through all they had without it forming a strong, permanent bond. She wondered if she should surprise Willow with a trip to a chapel while they were in Vegas. The marriage wouldn't mean anything legally, of course, but that wasn't what mattered. She wanted to pledge her heart to Willow, to show her and the world how much she loved her.  
  
"Whatcha thinking about?" Willow said, and Kennedy could hear the smile in her voice.  
  
"Me and you," she said, rubbing her cheek against her girlfriend's breast.  
  
"That sounds good," Willow said, bowing her head down and kissing her hair. "Anything in particular? Got something new you want to show me?" she asked suggestively.  
  
"I think I've taught you everything I know," Kennedy laughed. "No, this is serious. I was thinking ... " The phone rang. "Don't get that, baby. Let it ring. This is important."  
  
"I'm sure it is, hon, but it could be ... well, anything, considering our lives."  
  
"Willow ... "  
  
Willow picked up the phone. "Hello?" *Sorry*, she mouthed to Kennedy. "Uh huh, sure. I'm sure she'd love too. Oh, poor Dawn. I could go too ... oh. Oh? Oh! Geez, that girl is ... yeah. Okay, here's Kennedy." She handed over the phone.  
  
"Hello?" Kennedy said before hearing Buffy's voice.  
  
"Kennedy, can you do me a favor and take Dawn and Vi around? It looks like you're the only one Vi will tolerate now. The girl's majorly paranoid. I'm talking therapy issues here."  
  
Kennedy rolled her eyes. Who ever heard of a seventeen year old who needed a babysitter? Some Slayer she was. She wondered why she had even been one of the Chosen. She hated that she was going to escort the whiny girl, but Willow had already said she would 'love to', and she didn't want her to think she was selfish or anything. "Sure," she said with false cheer. "That'd be great. And ... you said Willow couldn't come? Well, I guess I can handle two teenagers on my own, no problem."  
  
"Thanks a lot, Kennedy. I'll tell the girls that you're coming by to get them, that okay?"  
  
"Yeah, that's fine," she said, dreading the day that lay in front of her. At least maybe she could find a chapel while she was out and make a reservation. "I'll be over in about fifteen minutes."  
  
"Okay, bye."  
  
"Bye." She turned to Willow. "This sucks. As much ... fun ... as this will be, I'd much rather spend the day with you."  
  
Willow smiled. "Me too. But you'll have a ball. Check out the amusement parks, window shop, whatever. Lots of fun to be had. Now, what were you going to tell me, before? It sounded serious."  
  
"I ... nothing," she said, smiling. "I think I'll surprise you."  
  
"Oooh! I like surprises. One time Xander got me this huge raincoat, with a hood and everything, and didn't tell me what it was for, and then he took me to see this show with dolphins and these really cute whales, and they splashed us 'cause we were in the front row ... " Kennedy leaned in and kissed her softly. Willow smiled. "What was that for?"  
  
"I love it when you babble."  
  
***  
  
Buffy knocked on the open door to the room next to hers. "Dawn?" she said.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Kennedy's coming over to take you guys out. Try not to wear her out, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Dawn said, then noticed something on a chain around Buffy's neck. Walking up to her sister and reaching out, she asked, "Hey, what's this?"  
  
Buffy looked down. "This," she said with a smile, "is the ugliest ring you'll probably ever see."  
  
"And your sudden taste for god-awful jewelry is because ... ?" Dawn asked.  
  
"It was Spike's. Well, really it's mine. My engagement ring." Seeing her sister's baffled expression, Buffy went on. "Remember when Oz left, and Willow did the 'my will be done' spell?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, and you and Spike were all lovey dovey and making wedding plans. This is the ring? How'd you get it?"  
  
"Actually, I kept it. I didn't want to give it back to Spike, that would have been too embarrassing."  
  
"You could have just thrown it away."  
  
"I could have. But somehow it ended up in my jewelry box. It's been there all these years."  
  
"So how did you get it now? It's not like we packed up anything before the apocalypse. And why is that, anyway? It would've been nice to have a few pairs of clean underwear, you know."  
  
"It's not like I knew the whole town was going to get sucked into a giant crater, Dawnie." She held the ring between her fingers. "But this ... Spike must have put it in my pocket, before we went down into the hellmouth. I found it when I took a shower in Rachel. I have no idea how he knew I still had it, or where it was."  
  
"Why do you think he did it?" Dawn asked.  
  
Buffy shrugged. "The spell ... at the time, when it was over, it was humiliating. We hated each other. But now it's sort of a happy memory, you know? Something we could have laughed about. Something from the past we shared and that wasn't hurtful."  
  
"Did you love him?"  
  
Buffy looked hard at the ring as tears blurred her eyes. *Yes, god, yes. With every tiny little bit of me.*  
  
"I mean," Dawn said. "I mean during the spell."  
  
Buffy looked up.  
  
Dawn smiled. "I kinda already know you loved him ... recently. It's not like you can hide that kind of thing from me."  
  
"How did you ..."  
  
"You started getting that look. Where your eyes got all soft when you looked at him, and you started treating him like, well, like an equal. A partner. We pretty much all saw it."  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it. It must have been ... strange."  
  
"What, that you fell in love with your attempted rapist?" Dawn said bluntly.  
  
Buffy winced. "Yeah," she said, looking down again.  
  
"Don't be ashamed. I know he was different. The soul ..."  
  
"No," Buffy interrupted. "Not the soul. Well, yeah, the soul was a big part of it, but it wasn't everything."  
  
"I know Spike wasn't really evil before he got his soul. I mean, he took care of me, when you were gone. He treated me like he loved me. Like I was important to him. I really missed it when you came back and he ... well, he stopped coming around, stopped hanging out. And when I *did* see him, things just weren't the same." Dawn wondered if Buffy was going to open up to her. One thing about her sister was the lack of communication skills. This was the most they'd talked in months, and she hoped it would continue. She was tired of always trying to guess what was going on in her mind.   
  
"Spike ... when he, after I ..." Buffy faltered, then took a breath and began again. "Last year was difficult. Not just for me, dealing with being back and having feelings for Spike. It was hard for Spike, too. He wanted to love me, and I wouldn't let him. I didn't allow us to have anything normal. It was ugly, and it ended up hurting the both of us. I'm not excusing what he did, but I can tell you he wasn't the only violent one in the relationship. If you can even call it that," she added.  
  
Dawn was silent as she tried to understand. After a minute, she said, "You hurt him?"  
  
"Physically, sometimes. Emotionally? Constantly. I was horrible to him, Dawnie. When I look back on it, when I see who I had let myself become, it makes me sick. But Spike, he just took it. He knew I was dealing with a lot, and he wanted to make it better, he just didn't know how. I think he might have thought that beating him half to death might make me ... feel better, or something." She laughed bitterly.  
  
Dawn's face showed her disbelief. "It couldn't have been that bad, Buffy. I know you can be hard sometimes, but you would never ..."  
  
"Oh, I did. I'm not exaggerating this at all."  
  
"I can't believe you would hurt anyone like that."  
  
Buffy gave her a sour smile. "I wouldn't have ever thought it, either."  
  
A knock sounded and Buffy opened the door.  
  
"Ready to go?" Kennedy asked, a little too cheery.  
  
"Vi's still in the bathroom, taking a shower or waxing her elbows or something," Dawn said. "She should be out in a few minutes." She turned back to Buffy. "Do you want to talk a little more? We can go into your room while we wait for Vi."  
  
"No, I don't think I can, anymore," Buffy said. "What I'd really like is a nap. I feel like I haven't been getting any sleep at all."  
  
"Your eyes look really tired, Buffy," Kennedy said. "Are you having nightmares?"  
  
Buffy thought a moment. "No, not that I can remember. I know I'm sleeping, I just ... I don't know. Maybe I'm just still worn out from the big hellmouth implosion. I'm sure I'll be okay in another day or two."  
  
She excused herself and went back to her room, locking her connecting door. She snuggled back under the covers and sighed deeply. The tears trailed down her face and soaked into her pillow.  
  
***  
  
"I'm beginning to think you don't appreciate my little gift, Christine," the small, twenty-something woman said with a pout. "Here I go to all the trouble of picking it out special and everything, and now you won't even say thank you."  
  
"You aren't real. You aren't here. Go away," the girl said, sitting on her bed. She held her face in her hands, trying desperately not to see what she saw.  
  
"Now, is that the way to speak to your fairy godmother? Metaphorically speaking, of course. I'm definitely not a fairy," the woman said.  
  
"You aren't *anything*. Leave me alone," the teenager said, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.  
  
"Why do you keep pushing me away, Christine? Look at all I've done for you. Don't you think I care?"  
  
The girl looked up angrily and stood. "You're a fucking *figment*! You aren't *real*!"  
  
"You can't prove that," the young woman said, smirking.  
  
"I damn well *can* prove it." Christine walked through the apparition, turned around and glared. "I may be nuts enough to see you, but I'm not crazy enough to think you're really there. Now -- Fuck. Off." She held herself up straight, fighting the urge to break down helplessly.  
  
The strange woman smiled wickedly. "If I'm not real, and all in your head, honey, then it's *you* who wants me here. But I *am* real. There are some things you just can't understand."  
  
"Like what's happening to me ... " she murmured.  
  
The young woman suddenly somehow morphed into a different form, a middle aged, maternal looking woman. Her expression was much gentler and calm. "I gave it to you, honey," she said sweetly. "I gave you your gift, because you're special. I found you, and loved you. I wanted to make you strong. Aren't you strong now?"  
  
Christine swallowed. "Yes," she said, weakly, then straightened and said more confidently, "Yes."  
  
"I did that. For you. I gave you that power, to be special, better than everyone else."  
  
"I don't feel ... better," the girl said miserably.  
  
"Oh, baby," she crooned, "everyone else is beneath you. They aren't fit to breathe your air. Your father may have told you different in the past, but I saw your potential. I made you what you are. I gave you Power, so you can fight back."  
  
"You know about ... my father?" she asked, her eyes wide.  
  
"Baby, I know everything about you. Every filthy little lie your father has ever told you, every time he tried to make you feel like nothing ..."  
  
"But he's right." She looked down at her feet. "I'm not ... not worth ..."  
  
The woman came close to her, and Christine could smell her perfume. "I wouldn't have chosen you if you weren't worthy. You're special, Christine."  
  
The girl looked up at her savior, tears in her eyes. Finally, someone cared. Someone thought she was worth loving. A spark of hope ignited inside her.  
  
"I'm not crazy?"  
  
The woman smiled tenderly. "You aren't crazy."  
  
"You're real?"  
  
"Yes, baby."  
  
"And ... you're the one that made me strong?" she said, finally believing.  
  
"It's just a little present to my favorite girl," the woman said.  
  
"What do you want me to do?" Christine asked, a little suspicious.  
  
"I didn't give you the Gift expecting something in return, baby," the woman said, gently admonishing her.  
  
"You don't want me to do ... anything?" Christine asked, a little mistrustful.  
  
"Well, maybe sometime I might ask you to do something for me ... I can't touch things, you know. Look," she said, then passed her hand through the top of Christine's dresser. "I might need some help moving things around sometimes," she said with a laugh. "But right now ... I just want to be your friend. Can I be your friend, Christine?"  
  
"I ... yes." Christine pondered this a minute. A read friend wasn't something she'd had much in her life.  
  
"Good," the woman said, beaming.  
  
"I just want to know what to call you. What's your name?"  
  
"Oh, I've had many names. Many forms. Look what I can do," she said, then shocked Christine by morphing into the appearance of another woman. "And this," she said, morphing into a man with blond hair, wearing a long leather coat. The man grinned, and once again turned into the first woman. She smiled brightly. "See?"  
  
"Wow," Christine said. "That was ... wow. How did you do that?"  
  
"That's my own little secret, honey. Which one do you like best?"  
  
"This one. You kinda ... you remind me of my mother. What I remember of her, that is."  
  
The woman smiled sadly. "I promise, baby, I'll never leave you like she did."  
  
"Can you ... can you stay like this for me? I like it. Not that the others aren't nice, too, but this one seems ... more comfortable. Can I call you something, though? Does that, that *form*, have a name?"  
  
The woman smiled warmly. "Of course. They all have names. This one is Joyce."  
  
"I like ... I like Joyce," she said shyly. "It's a pretty name."  
  
"So is Christine."  
  
Christine winced. "But ... I've always been Christine. All my life. If I'm different now, I kinda want a new name."  
  
"What name do you want, baby? You can be anyone, now."  
  
"I ... don't know. Can you ... do you think you could pick one?"  
  
Joyce smiled. "I'll think about it. In the meantime, you could go with Chris, maybe."  
  
Chris grinned. "I like that. It sounds ... stronger. It feels good."  
  
"Good," Joyce said. "Now ... I have to go for a little while, I've got a couple of more people to check on."  
  
"More girls, like me?"  
  
"More girls, yes, but no one like you. I've given them a little power, but none of them are as special as you. I think maybe in a few weeks you should meet them. So many people are lost and alone, Chris. We could help them."  
  
"I don't think I could help anyone," Chris said, shaking her head. "I'm not ..."  
  
"Oh, stop that right now," Joyce said tenderly. "I chose you for a reason. If I say you can do something, you can do it."  
  
Chris thought a moment. "And you're sure I didn't just lose my mind?"  
  
"No, you're perfectly sane," Joyce said with a little laugh.  
  
"Good. 'Cause for a while there, I was getting a little scared. I mean ... damn, it's not every day you get your own fairy godmother." She grinned. "Metaphorically speaking, of course."  
  
TBC 


End file.
